Saturday, April 30, 2022

The Leavers


 I love to read diverse books. It gives me the opportunity to learn about another culture or another way of life. I get a chance to look through a window and experience something I wouldn’t normally have access to. 

I just finished the book The Leavers by Lisa Ko. This is the story of Deming/Daniel, a Chinese American trying to find himself.  This is also the story of Peilan/Polly, Deming’s birth mother and the hardships she endured to try to make a better life for herself and her son.  The book takes us from China to New York and back again as we experience life for both Deming and Peilan.  Much of the book centers on Deming.  He is abandoned by his mother and adopted into a white family in a town where he is the only Asian.  Deming struggles with a gambling addiction as he struggles to find his path forward in life and solve the puzzle of his past. 

This is a good storyline and shares some important insights into the life of Chinese immigrants but I struggled to get through the book. The writing style was not engaging enough for me and I found that the book moved very slowly.  Between the switches in characters and moving backward and forward in time, I found it very hard to get acclimated and as soon as I did, things would switch again.  

I was happy I got through this book. I’ve tried a few other books recently about Chinese Americans and did not finish them because of the slow moving plots.  This is such important subject matter and it is important for all of us to get a glimpse into the life of an immigrant.  

Speaking of important subject matter, I wanted to take this opportunity to talk about two books, one of which is on the banned books list, that should be required reading for every high school student.  Speak and Twisted, both by Laurie Halse Anderson.  Speak is the story of a girl in high school who is hiding something and only speaks through her art with the help of her teacher. Twisted shows how easily things can be manipulated on social media to frame someone.  Speak is told from a female perspective and Twisted is told from a male perspective but both share important life lessons for all genders.  I encourage everyone to read them and talk about them before we lose the opportunity to do so. 

Wednesday, March 9, 2022

Planting the Seeds of Growth

 Like many people, I have been keeping up to date on the horrors coming out of Ukraine.  Anyone who knows me knows that I have a healthy distrust of the mainstream media so I am very careful about where I get my news from and even then I take it with a grain of salt. However, I’ve been running across some stories claiming that we and the media are racist. We only care about the plight of Ukrainians because they are white, Europeans. I don’t consider myself a racist but this statement gave me pause as I considered if this could be true. 

The mainstream media shows us what the corporations that control them want us to see. True statement. If you don’t believe it, do some research. You might be shocked at what you find. Most major media outlets also put some kind of political spin on the news reported.  Since both of those statements are true, could our perceived lack of caring as individuals be not racism but lack of exposure. If we assume it is lack of exposure, is the mainstream media to blame or are we to blame for only ingesting what the easy to find news is dishing out instead of searching for the real news that is out there?  

In response to this racism accusation, some in the media have defended themselves by saying that the Ukrainian situation has more of an impact on the United States than say other horrific situations around the globe which is why it is being covered more than an Afghanistan or Syria or even Rwanda back in the day.  I would point to 9-11.  What more serious impact can befall a country than something like that?  So we should care just as much about Afghanistan and Syria and even Rwanda.  

Isn’t human suffering, human suffering?  Does a Ukrainian suffer more than a Syrian?  Not to belittle the situation at all because it is horrible, but I would argue that the Ukrainians are actually suffering LESS than the Syrians.  Ukrainian refugees are being welcomed with open arms into other countries.  Was that the case for Syrians?  Being forced to flee your country is never an ideal situation but to know you can’t go back to your old country and are not wanted in your new one must be a demoralizing feeling. 

I didn’t really understand the plight of some of these other groups because they aren’t widely covered by major media outlets and I didn’t care enough to go looking for the information.  That is on me.  I can blame the media for a lot, which would all be true, but the buck stops with me on this one.  

I learned about the suffering of Syrian refugees and various groups of Africans by READING.  Not reading news stories or bland, non-fiction books but by reading fictional stories that are about fictional characters but describe actual events. Books that aren’t about people like me but are about groups I don’t know too much about. It’s true, I can relate to a character that is like me but I can develop an understanding when I read books that are not about someone like me. This understanding then helps me move on to empathy which is where I am in my above arguments.  I’ll post some of my favorites related to this topic below this post.  This is what makes me so mad about censorship and banning books. We can’t gain an understanding if we don’t have access to that information.  We can’t grow as individuals if we are always looking in the mirror and never looking through the window into someone else’s experiences.

As I hope we will start to learn soon with Covid too, we can’t just stick our head in the sand forever, censor information that doesn’t fit the political vernacular and hope that it goes away. We need to fight for the TRUTH.  I assure you, the truth is out there, it just requires more work to find because it has been censored from mainstream and social media. Are we as a society ready to do that work?  I don’t think we are yet, but if we all take some time to look away from the mirror and into the window of another, we’ll get there. 

Remember this which I saw recently in a meme, “All scientists agree when you censor the ones that don’t.”  That can apply in any situation.  You just need to ask yourself, is that real science or real life if everyone agrees?  AND, do you have the courage to look through the window of those who don’t agree to find some understanding which will lead you down the path to truth?

Books for future reading:

A Land of Permanent Goodbyes by Atia Abawi*

Buried Beneath the Baobab Tree by Adaobi Nwaubani

A Cave in the Clouds by Badeeah Hassan Ahmed

*If you like this book The Secret Sky by the same author is a fantastic Romeo and Juliet in Afghanistan story. 

I’m sure I’ll have more suggestions as I keep reading to look through those windows. Just ask if you want to learn more than this initial glimpse. 


Saturday, February 26, 2022

Pure Imagination

 I am not a political person but as I sit here and watch history repeating itself I can’t help but be angry at our current political climate.  I am not a fan of war or getting involved in other people’s business but when people are depending on us or asking for our help and we just sit back and allow genocide to happen, that to me is unacceptable. In a few short months we have seen it happen in Afghanistan and now Ukraine.  Something has to change but what and are we too far gone?  

The following is my political utopia.  So, in the words of Willy Wonka, come with me and we’ll see a world of pure imagination.  I want to live in a world where I can trust government officials. Where there are no political parties and therefore, no across the aisle fighting. Where government officials do what they think is right and not what a political party, or a donor tells them to do.  I want to live in a world where political donations aren’t needed. Where potential government officials fill out an application explaining their positions and those applications are made public. Then a series of interviews are conducted and aired on TV so the public can pick the best candidate. No slanderous commercials or election signs everywhere. Just the candidate and their beliefs. 

I want to live in a world where every other commercial I see on TV is not for a pharmaceutical drug.  I want to live in a world where drug companies want to help the citizens, not get them hooked on opiates. Where, the Food and Drug Administration protects the citizenry from harmful foods and drugs and doesn’t accept money or jobs from businesses to okay their products. Don’t think that happens now?  I encourage you to do some research.  I was surprised and saddened by what I found and I think you will be too.  

I want to live in a world where doctors are encouraged and given enough time to help their patients.  Where they have enough time to find the real problem instead of just enough time to treat the symptoms.  I want to live in a world where people don’t have to lose everything they own to pay medical bills.  Where nobody has to make a choice between feeding their family or paying their bills.  Where nobody has to feel so much fear or despair that they have to turn to illegal activities to support or protect their families.

I want to live in a world where people in need are not just given money to get them through or a permanent handout but given access to education and training that they want and need to succeed.  I want to live in a world where everyone is treated equally.  Where no one person is better than anyone else.  Where nobody has to live in fear of the police or anyone else.  

I want to live in a world where there is no censorship.  Where we can use books as a way to look through a window into a world that we don’t understand to help develop empathy and talking points to heal and educate the younger generations.  I want to live in a world where ALL science is considered and social media doesn’t censor scientific experiments that go against the popular vernacular.  As a side note here, I saw a meme recently that said something to the effect that all scientists agree when the ones that don’t are censored.  Science is about experimentation.  If all scientists agree, we need to question that because that is NOT how science works.  

I want to live in a world that is not controlled by those with the most money.  Where the media reports the truth, not what the folks in charge want the public to hear.  

This is my utopia but I fear that we are too far gone to ever achieve even half of what is in my list.  The status quo is not working anymore.  The leadership in our country ALL has to go.  We need to get a new breed of leaders that put our needs as the populace ahead of their own financial needs.  

What a wonderful world that would be!


Friday, February 4, 2022

Censorship: My Unpublished Paper


 Last year for one of my classes, I did some in-depth research on censorship and wrote a paper about that research.  My professor thought that this should be published but after contacting multiple periodicals and getting no response from any of them, I decided to publish it here on my blog. This is so important right now, especially within the context of libraries.  Groups are pulling books off of shelves in libraries that they deem inappropriate.  This isn't just happening in school libraries although the increase in banned books used for school curriculum and those removed from school library bookshelves is very disheartening.

Enjoy and share if you see fit.

Introduction

Censorship has taken place throughout history.  Whether it was the censorship of teachers and scholars in ancient Greece, development of censorship laws in ancient China, or censorship by the Roman Catholic Church during the Middle Ages, censorship is nothing new.  The idea of censoring materials or speech continues even in today’s society.

Today, censorship takes place on social media platforms, in colleges and universities, in work places and of course in public and private schools as well as public libraries.  A quick search of the internet will produce multiple lists of challenged books.  The lists are quite lengthy with books ranging from Huckleberry Finn, to books by Judy Blume and even Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.  One book on these lists stood out to me because of sheer irony.  That book was Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury.  I found myself wondering how a book about censorship could be on a list of books that should be censored.  Having read the book when I was in middle school, I could remember nothing in the book that would cause it to be placed on a challenged book list.  After reading it again, I still struggled to find reasoning as to why Fahrenheit 451 was a challenged book.  How could a book so mired in censorship, from the censorship that influenced it’s writing, to the censorship discussed in the book, be under consideration to be censored itself?  Is there a benefit to censoring any work or will censorship do more harm than good?

Influential Censorship

To understand why Ray Bradbury wrote Fahrenheit 451, it is first important to understand what his influences were.  The early 20th century was a very turbulent time in both Europe and the United States.  The Russian Revolution occurred in the early 1920s with Joseph Stalin taking control of the Communist Party there.  Censorship became the rule in the Soviet Republic.  Books were burned and people were jailed and executed there for having ideas that went against the Communist Party.

In the 1930s, the Nazi Party came to power in Germany.  Censorship and silencing of people with opinions that differed from those of the ruling party had spread to Germany.  In August of 1932, the Nazis produced a list of authors to be silenced with the help of librarian Wolfgang Herrman through the Association of German Librarians.  This list was to cleanse libraries of 71 author’s works (Ritchie, 1988), most of whom ended up fleeing Germany fearing persecution.  The destruction of works started in March of 1933 when the Sturmabteilung (SA) entered the Anti-War Museum and destroyed all books, pictures and other pacifist material.  The SA also completely destroyed the Karl-Liebknecht Haus (Communist Party Headquarters) library.  Everything culminated on May 10, 1933 when thousands of books that were considered un-German were burned by students at universities across Germany.  This activity was encouraged by the government.  Jim Ritchie states that the burning of these books was to allow a German phoenix to rise from the ashes.  As time went on, the Reich Ministry of Popular Entertainment and Propaganda closed Jewish publishers and bookstores.  They also censored such things as encyclopedias, schoolbooks and even calendars (Krimmer, 2014).  They also commissioned publishers so they could more adequately control what citizens were reading.  By 1939, the Nazi Party had come up with a List of Harmful and Undesirable Literature which included 4,175 works according to Elisabeth Krimmer.  Also, in 1939, more censoring was taking place in the Soviet Union.  After a pact was made with Germany, all anti-Germany or anti-Nazi media was banned in the country (Morson, 2017).

            In 1940, the United States entered into the censorship arena by passing the Smith Act.  The Smith Act banned printed material that encouraged the overthrow of the national or state governments by force or violence (Moss & Wilson, 1997).  In 1951, the United States Supreme Court upheld the Smith Act in Dennis v. United States which was a case against top leaders of the Communist Party.  However, in 1957, the Supreme Court amended the act and said that it could not be used to punish someone who encourages illegal activity; only participation in that activity would be breaking the law.  In 1968, the Smith Act was under fire again in Brandenburg v. Ohio.  It was ruled that in order for the government to punish a speaker, the government must prove that there was a clear and present danger by the speaker ensuring that the actions would take place (Field, 2018).

In December of 1940, a Hungarian born author wrote a book that deeply influenced Ray Bradbury’s writing of Fahrenheit 451.  That book was Darkness at Noon.  It was about the Stalin Purge Trials of the 1930s.  Many people in the Soviet Union were arrested, tortured and either executed or exiled in labor camps.  Most of these people were military leaders.  In the coda in Fahrenheit 451, Ray Bradbury states, “There is more than one way to burn a book.  And the world is full of people running around with lit matches.” (p. 176).  I think in that quote, Ray Bradbury was referring in part to the influence Darkness at Noon had on his writing of Fahrenheit 451.

By the 1950s, the United States and western Europe was involved with the Soviet Union and other eastern European nations in the Cold War.  The word “communism” had become a dirty word.  McCarthyism was the rule of the times.  Loyalty oaths were required for judges and professors which, in fact, restricted their First Amendment rights.  Authors, books and actors were banned and called to appear before Senate panels, simply for being suspected of being sympathetic to communism.  Textbooks were censored for underplaying the, “good aspects of the American way of life, while displaying all of its faults” (Mediavilla, 1997).  The government of the United States even went so far as to say that it was okay to censor movies because they were a form of entertainment and thus didn’t fall under the guise of the First Amendment (Telgen, 1997).  Fahrenheit 451 was written and published during this tumultuous time of First Amendment censorship.  Interestingly enough, the American Library Association issued a manifesto in 1953, the same year that Fahrenheit 451 was published, stating that, “freedom to read is essential to our democracy”, (Seed, 1994).

Also, during the 1950s, communism had taken hold in China.  In 1956 and 1957, the government of China launched the Hundred Flower Blossom Movement which encouraged citizens to express their views freely.  However, this movement backfired on the government when many citizens expressed criticism of the government.  The movement was reversed and in June 1957, many were accused of trying to sabotage the socialist revolution in China (Luo, 2020).

Fahrenheit 451

Fahrenheit 451 is a science fiction novel set in a society in the future where the government controls all the stimuli that the citizens have access to.  Most citizens watch government-run television which has become an immersive experience, and when they aren’t watching television, they are listening to government-controlled messages through what we in our current society would term “ear buds”.  The main character in the novel is Guy Montag.  Guy is a fireman, but not in the way that we think of firemen today.  Firemen in Fahrenheit 451 don’t put out fires; they start fires, specifically when they get a call that a citizen is suspected of having books.  In this case, they burn not only the books, but the entire house and sometimes even the citizen as well.  Fahrenheit 451 was written in the early 1950s at UCLA, where Bradbury utilized the typewriters in the library to type his novel.  The novel was published in 1953.

On page 57 of Fahrenheit 451, the fire chief, Captain Beatty, explains to Guy Montag, “Colored people don’t like Little Black Sambo.  Burn it.  White people don’t feel good about Uncle Tom’s Cabin.  Burn it.  Someone’s written a book on tobacco and cancer of the lungs?  The cigarette people are weeping?  Burn the book.  Serenity, Montag.  Peace, Montag.”  Society became all about appeasing everyone so that peace could reign.  This is exactly what would happen today if we follow those principles according to Moss and Wilson, “in the frenzy to appease everyone, books become empty shells and no one cares when they are banned or burned” (p. 99).

Mr. Montag did not accept this version of peace and serenity.  He wanted to live in the world devised by his friend Professor Faber where we are allotted, “Number one…quality of information.  Number two: leisure to digest it.  And number three:  the right to carry out actions based on what we learn from the interaction of the first two.” (Bradbury, 2018, p.81).

These two concepts sum up the conflict within the book itself.  But conflict about the book was soon to erupt.

Censorship of Fahreneit 451

Ironically enough, Fahrenheit 451, a book specifically about censorship, was censored.  The book was deemed inappropriate because it contained drug use, foul language, the phoenix myth and it promoted elitism.  The book was accused of promoting elitism because it distinctly favored literature over mass culture and because it favored intellectuals over the common people.  In the end of the book the city that Guy Montag inhabited is destroyed.  The only survivors are Guy and scholars who had fled the city and lived in the woods.  They are proposed to save the world because they had memorized books before they were burned. In other criticism, Guy Montag was compared to Master Nicholas Ridley who was a Bishop of London, burned at the stake in 1555 for his teachings.  He was part of a group called the Oxford Martyrs. 

The censorship of Fahrenheit 451, started soon after publication but reached a boiling point in 1967.  Unbeknownst to Ray Bradbury, the book was censored for schools in what would be known as the Bal-Hi edition or the High School version.  In this version, any references to abortion were eliminated.  The words “hell” and “damn” were also eliminated.  In the book, there was an incident that took place with a drunk man.  The drunk man was changed to a sick man.  There is also a section that mentions cleaning a navel.  That was censored to cleaning an ear instead (Scraps from the Loft, 2020). 

This version of the book was the only version available for sale from 1973 until 1979.  In 1979, Ray Bradbury was made aware that his book had been censored and only the censored version was available.  After voicing his displeasure with the publisher, the adult version of Fahrenheit 451 became available again in 1980 and has been available since.

Due to the censorship of Fahrenheit 451 and other books for schools, the American Library Association Intellectual Freedom Committee, Young Adult Division looked into the censorship of books by school book clubs in 1981.  They threatened to strip Newbery and Caldecott medals from any censored versions of books.  This committee also stated that teachers should demand that censored books be identified by a label stating that it was an edited school book edition (Scraps from the Loft, 2020).

The censorship of Fahrenheit 451 did not end there.  In 1981 Fahrenheit 451 was removed from the required reading list in a Texas high school because the principal thought it had “too negative” an outlook (Hentoff, 1992, p. 26).  In 1986, Leonard Hall, District Superintendent of the school district that included Mowat Middle School in Florida, added Fahrenheit 451 to a list of 64 books that had, “quite a bit of vulgarity or obscene and/or sexually explicit material” (Hentoff, p. 378).  The year before, Mowat Middle School had been named one of 150 Centers of Excellence by the National Council of Teachers of English (p. 378).  The students were scoring very high on tests and many of the students were found to be reading at a twelfth- grade level even though they were in middle school.  Parents of these students were delighted to find their children reading when it was not required.  The school board did end up overruling the superintendent and restored most of the books to the schools within the district, but the principals and the superintendent were still given the right to remove “unclean” books (p. 379). 

In 1992, in Venando Middle School in Irvine, California, teachers were forced to black out the words “hell” and “damn” as well as other words that were deemed obscene in books including Fahrenheit 451. 

Censorship Post-Fahrenheit 451

Censorship continues to this day throughout the world.  We tend to think of repressive governments as being the main censors, and while that is true to an extent, it is happening here in our own country as well.  In China in the 1960s and 1970s, there was a new call by the government of Mao Zedung to burn books along with the old way of life.  This way people would move away from politics and put their energy into making money instead (Chang, 2012).  In 1976, Mao Zedung dies, but the old ideologies do not die with him.  Deng Xiaoping issues reforms in the late 1970s and when he is criticized, he cracks down again.  In 1989, students protested for freedom of speech in Tiananmen Square.  That protest was quickly squashed by the government.  Even as recently as October 2019, the Ministry of Education of School advised libraries to destroy any work that threatened the country’s unity or was anti-Communist Party Luo, 2020).  China still monitors what its citizens have access to on the internet and controls the media. 

There are some who would say that the United States is headed for another McCarthyism Era.  In the 1990s, many colleges enacted “speech codes” that limited what faculty, staff and students could write or say (Hentoff, 1992).  Most of those speech codes are still in effect.  Civil libertarians across the country are calling for perpetrators of “hate speech” to be removed from their jobs and have to attend sensitivity training (Amada, 2001).  According to Gerald Amada, “censorious intolerance for intolerance” is just another form of bigotry (p. 68).  I believe that Ray Bradbury is right.  There is, “more than one way to burn a book” (Bradbury, p. 176).

Conclusion

Supreme Court Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. said in his report on U.S. v. Schwimmer, “If there is any principle of the Constitution that more imperatively calls for attachment than any other it is the principle of free thought – not free thought for those who agree with us but freedom for the thought that we hate.” (Hentoff, p. 115).  Justice Holmes wrote these words in 1928 and they still ring true today.  Whether it is speech or writing that is censored, nothing can do more harm to our society.  Challenging or censoring books like Fahrenheit 451 denies us the opportunity to discuss these books rationally and hear both sides and points-of-view in order to educate ourselves.  John Colmer stated in 1978 that, “books create diversity and harmony” (Colmer, 1978).  The very nature of the content contained in books can create diversity by exposing the readers to views and experiences different than their own, but they also promote harmony when we are given the opportunity to talk with our peers about these differences of opinions and experiences.  When we learn from one another and embrace our differences, we all have the ability to become better individuals.

When we censor a book such as Fahrenheit 451, we miss out on valuable opportunities to discuss certain ideals.  In the beginning of the book, there is a scene where Mr. Montag’s wife overdoses on sleeping pills.  This scene was deemed inappropriate because it contained the use of drugs.  People in this country overdose on drugs every single day.  If we remove this scene from the book, we are denying readers of a potential educational experience.  If we don’t talk about drug use and the harm that can be inflicted not just on the user but the loved ones of the user are we protecting readers or are we setting them up for failure in the future when they could have to deal with drug use as a user or a loved one?

Are we headed toward a new McCarthyism Era?  Are we censoring ourselves and our books so much that, like the books that J. Moss and G. Wilson talked about, we ourselves are becoming empty shells?  And if so, will anyone care if we are banned or burned?  If we are headed in that direction as Gerald Amada suggests, I fear that we are headed for disaster.  Censorship throughout history has done more harm than it has done good, in my opinion.  Not only are we denying freedom of speech rights, but we are also denying ourselves the ability to learn and grow from the opinions, experiences and points of view of those who disagree with us.  If we don’t learn from the history of McCarthyism, we are bound to repeat it.

 

 

 

 

 


 

References

 

Amada, Gerald (2001). Liberal censorship on campus a new form of McCarthyism? Journal of

            College Student Psychotherapy 15(4), 65-69. 10.1300/J035v15n04_07

Bradbury, Ray (2018).  Fahrenheit 451; 60th Anniversary Edition. Simon & Schuster

            Paperbacks.

Chang, Jung (2012). Mao was a badman, but he was a very good subject. New Statesman,

141(5104), 36-37.

Colmer, John (1978). Coleridge to Catch-22. Science Fiction, p. 197-209. St. Martin’s Press

Field, Martha A. (2018). Brandenburg v. Ohio and its relationship to Masses Publishing c. v.

            Patten. Arizona State Law Journal, 50(3), 791-802.

Hentoff, Nat (1992). Free Speech for Me – But Not for Thee:  How the American Left and Right

            Relentlessly Censor Each Other. Harper Collins Publishers.

Krimmer, Elisabeth (2014). The politics of literature in Nazi Germany: Books and the media

            dictatorship. Shofar, 33(1), 127-130. Purdue University Press.

Luo, Wei (2020). History of Censorship in China. Salem Press Encyclopedia.

Mediavilla, Cindy (1997). The war on books and ideas: The California Library Association and

anti-communist censorship. Library Trends, 46(2).

Morson, Gary Saul (2017). Stalin’s ism. New Criterion, 36(3), 11-15.

Moss, J. and Wilson, G. (1997).  Fahrenheit 451; The temperature at which books burn.

            Literature and Its Times:  Profiles of 300 Notable Literary Works and the Historical           

            Events That Influenced Them, Volume 5, 95-100. Gale. https://link.gale.com/apps/doc/

            CX2875100310/GVRL?u=State16801asid=GVRL&xid=312b9c48. 16 April 2021.

 

Ritchie, J.M. (1988). The Nazi book-burning. The Modern Language Review, 83(3), 627-643.

            Modern Humanities Research Association.

Scraps From the Loft. (2020, July 28). Censorship in Literature: Fahrenheit 451.

            https://scrapsfromtheloft.com/2020/07/28/censorship-in-literature-fahrenheit-451/

Seed, David (1994). The flight from the good life: “Fahrenheit 451” in the context of postwar

            American dystopias. Journal of American Studies 28(2), 225-240. Cambridge University

            Press.

Telgen, D. (1997). Fahrenheit 451. Novels for Student; Volume 1, 138-157. Gale.

https://link.gale.com/apps/doc/CX2591400017/GVRL?u=state16801&sid=GVRL

&xid=d2ce59cb. 16 April 2021.

Tuesday, December 7, 2021

This I’ve Learned


  Now that I have finally entered the recovery phase of my SLAP tear injury, I have had some time to reflect on some things. The past few months have not been easy. My normal fitness consistency was interrupted and I feel like I’ve been out of the game for a long time.  But my views have definitely changed throughout this process.  

Prior to my injury, my philosophy was always to be better than I was the day before.  I pushed myself to burn more calories, finish a round faster, do more reps in less time and most importantly lift more weight than I did the day before.  That philosophy continued right after injury. Keep doing as much as you can. Push until the pain is too much. 

Then came the diagnosis and the doctor basically cutting me off from everything except walking. How can I get better than I was the day before by just walking?  Every morning I cried as I did a walking workout and saw my resting heart rate rising day by day. I lost weight but I knew it was all that muscle I had worked so hard to build. I flirted with fitness depression as each week that went by, I found myself doing less and less. 

The week before surgery I decided to stop my depressing workouts completely and try to concentrate on sleep which I wasn’t getting much of and knew I’d be struggling with after surgery.  The pain had gotten much worse and even swinging my arm while walking was a struggle. It was hard and one day I even caught myself doing squats randomly.  My body was screaming at me to stop but mentally I couldn’t turn it off. 

Post surgery, as 4 nurses were struggling to put my shirt on I realized that something needed to change.  As I slowly walked around my house to move my legs, I realized that I don’t need to be better than I was the day before, I just need to move. When I woke up in pain in the middle of the night, I decided that I don’t need to curl 20 lbs or squat 80 lbs or say, fly 17.5 lbs which is what got me into this mess in the first place, I just need to give my muscles some resistance. 

So, as I sit here in my sling, I’m focusing on intermittent fasting, eating whole foods, drinking water and moving my body every so often.  It’s not about being better than I was yesterday.  It’s about being the best version of myself I can be each day, no matter what that looks like. 

Sunday, November 21, 2021

Welcome To the Pity Party


It has been 12 weeks since I heard that pop which signified the dislocation of my shoulder and tearing of my labrum. Since then I have gone through a range of emotions but one thing has remained constant. As time has progressed, my pain has gotten worse and the list of things I can no longer do has grown. First it was exercises I couldn’t do. Then it was things I couldn’t wear and now it has evolved to basic functions I can’t perform.

This past week, I progressed to the point that I can no longer dress myself. Talk about humiliating. I am a 45 year old who can no longer dress myself. I am very lucky because I have a husband who is happy to help me but what would I do if I didn’t?  While I recognize how luck I am I also can’t help but be sad about it.  I know that once I am fixed up I will get better and be able to do those things again but in the moment I just can’t force myself to think that way. 

So, welcome to the pity party. I’ll probably be partying for another 3 weeks. At least I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now but that is small comfort as my cannot do list continues to grow. 

Sunday, November 7, 2021

Fear Mongering


 When I worked as a meteorologist, I noticed certain meteorologists really liked snow so whenever there was even the smallest possibility of snow, they would forecast it. I called those meteorologists snow mongers. They gravitated toward the outcome they wanted. 

In the years prior to the recent pandemic I learned a number of things. I learned not to trust politicians for obvious reasons.  The Jerry Sandusky incident and subsequent slander of Joe Paterno by the media taught me to not trust the media. They don’t report just the facts and let viewers or readers formulate their own opinions, they report the facts they want you to hear and the opinions to accompany those facts.  I also learned not to trust most businesses.  The primary aim of a business is to make money not to help the public. Pharmaceutical companies are a prime example of this given the significant number of lawsuits against them. 

Enter a pandemic and the primary entities calling the shots are politicians, the media and the pharmaceutical companies. The media is spreading fear to get more viewers/readers, the politicians are falling for it and the pharmaceutical companies are profiting from that fear possibly at the cost of our future health and safety. 

I find myself wondering why so many people are not reading the scientific, peer reviewed studies that are being published that are disputing a lot of the “facts” being spread. Censorship is the answer. If someone tries to talk about one of these studies that is against the popular opinion, it gets removed from most social media platforms.  I didn’t want to believe it was true but I’ve seen it happen myself. A little 1984 with a twist of Fahrenheit 451 anyone?

Why are we as a society not fighting this?  Many people just don’t know this is happening or don’t want to hear about it.  The media, government and drug companies are turning us against each other by fear mongering. Our brains are being hard wired to shame and not show kindness. To blindly believe and not question.  Only when we start listening to both sides can we develop an opinion of our own and start sowing kindness and understanding. But that takes courage and in this age of fear mongering courage is in short supply. 

When will we as a society develop the courage to overcome our fear and listen to one another with open minds?  That is how we are going to beat this pandemic, not by getting a shot every 6 months. 

The Leavers

 I love to read diverse books. It gives me the opportunity to learn about another culture or another way of life. I get a chance to look thr...