My Why

 Why?  Why am I writing a blog?  It’s something I’ve wanted to do for while. To share my love of weather, Disney and baking. Also to share my experiences as a woman who struggles with low self-esteem. 

It has taken me a long time to gather the courage to start this blog because of my self-esteem issues.  I am a people pleaser and if even one person reacted negatively (unpleased) that would to me be failure.  During my formative years, very little that I ever did was good enough. It seemed that because of that I never made anyone proud, I was useless. So I learned that I needed to please everyone around me and do exactly what they wanted in order to make them proud. I associated other people being proud of me with self-worth. I could only be happy if I was doing what others wanted and making them proud of me.  But I wasn’t happy.  I couldn’t wrap my mind around why. I eventually decided that I was taking on an impossible task because I can’t please everyone all of the time. That meant it would be impossible for me to be happy.  I never for one second thought about doing what I wanted. I never even considered that THAT might be the key to my own happiness. 

Fast forward a couple of decades and I’m still at it. So what changed and made me change my mind about starting this blog?  One podcast. Embrace Your Real by Julie A. Ledbetter. I was listening to an episode that seemed like it was meant for me. One thing she said really stuck with me. She said that I could probably name 5 people who like me for who I am when I am being myself with no filters. My immediate thought was no way. But as I thought about it I realized that I could.  So the next step was why do I care what anyone else thinks?  My immediate thought was because I’m a people pleaser. But why do I need to be a people pleaser? If I can only worry about pleasing one person, myself, then that would take so much extra work off my plate. To top it off, those 5 people will still like me regardless. Maybe that is the key to my own happiness.

That is my why. This blog is my experiment. I’m doing something I want to do and using it to see if it makes me a happier person. Plus if I can help someone else in the process that is even better.  So far I’m happy I did this and I’ll be adding other experiments as I go along and documenting them here. 

Here’s to happiness!!!!