Leap of Faith

 For close to 10 years now I have debated going back to school to get a masters degree in library and information science. I always had some reason why it wasn’t a good idea. I like my current job, I wouldn’t be able to work in a school, I don’t have time, I don’t know if that’s what I really want to do. The list went on and on. But all of those were just excuses and not the REASON why I didn’t want to go back to school.   The reason was that I was afraid and embarrassed to fail. 

I was a good student in high school. I never had to try. Everything just came naturally to me.  I was one of the top students in my class. Then I went to college.  Not only wasn’t I the top student anymore but as I sat in physics and calculus classes I realized I was behind and struggling. I’d never had to study before and didn’t really know how to do it. There was no time for partying in college because I spent every waking minute trying to keep my head above water.  Even though I graduated with a BS degree in meteorology from one of the top schools for that discipline, I considered my college career a failure because my GPA wasn’t what I wanted it to be. 

I had lost my student mojo. I didn’t think I could be successful in graduate school so I just stuck with the status quo. If I didn’t try, I wouldn’t fail.  Then the pandemic hit and my employers decided that they could remove me from my job and put me in another job whenever they wanted.  It made me miserable to not be in the job I was hired to do.  So I finally decided to do something about it.  I enrolled in graduate school.

I don’t know how things will turn out, but if I fail I’m in no worse shape than I am right now. I’m nervous every time I submit an assignment but I’m learning a lot so if nothing else I will have gained knowledge which is invaluable.