To Me With Love

 How did I get here?  How did I get to the point where I would give myself a Valentine and mean it?  If you had asked me even 3 months ago to do something like that I would have laughed and said maybe in about 10-20 years.  I’ve talked a bit about listening to a podcast and trying to find out why others like me and believe me that helped. One day I did look in the mirror and say to myself, “You are 44 years old and overweight but you don’t look bad for someone older and others love you so I do too.”  And that was HUGE but it didn’t get me to where I am today. That was just over 2 months ago.  Now I look at myself and say I am beautiful and I’m happy to be me. Some parts of that statement have disappeared and other parts have been enhanced. 

Let’s start with the overweight thing. According to my BMI, I am in the overweight category. That has always weighed very heavily on me, no pun intended. My happiness depended on what the scale said. A few years ago I had DNA testing done and one of the results was my ideal weight. It is the weight I’m at right now. I discounted it because that was overweight so it couldn’t possibly be right. Enter the Embrace Your Real podcast where I constantly heard that my happiness should not depend on a number, weight is just the effect of gravity on your body, my weight does not define who I am. I wished. The problem was that my weight DID define me. It defined me as overweight. But I kept hearing those messages and I also heard that there is someone out there who is longing to be the weight I am right now. That last one really helped to put things into perspective for me.  I workout so I have muscles. I don’t always eat 100% nutritious but I eat what makes my body feel good about 90% of the time. So maybe those charts are wrong. Maybe this IS my ideal weight. 

I have one friend who has probably helped me more than she will ever know. She has a loving family, lots of friends and is probably the nicest, kindest, most forgiving person I have ever met. And she actually wants to be friends with me!  Pre-COVID-19 she would seek me out to hang out with me. I’m not going to  lie and say I understand why because I don’t see it but if someone like her loves me then there must be some reason and maybe I should love me too. 

Lots of progress has been made in a short period of time and I still have work to do but today I passed another milestone. I hide behind my hair. I have long hair and I always, always, always wear it down unless I’m working out or in the pool.  But all winter of blow drying and straightening has taken its toll and my hair is fried. It needed a break from all of that. So I washed it and put it up in a bun today. I feel awkward but I’m going to do it because it’s a step forward and I probably don’t look as bad as I think I do. 

This Valentines Day love yourself because there are lots of people out there who love you too!