Winter of Discontent

I am not a lover of winter.  I am just not well suited for a winter climate.  Cold air really bothers my asthma so I’m not a fan of the cold.  I don’t have one positive thought when it snows because I’m stuck in the house. I love my house but I need to leave it regularly.  Snowy roads make it hard to do that.  The flat light from gray skies and a snow covered ground makes me tired and gives me a headache. Ugh! 

This week all of the above things plus pandemic related issues made SAD hit me like a Mack truck. I’ve always been able to just deal with my seasonal disorder.  I just push it to the back of my mind and carry on. This week was different. It was like I was living my own personal Groundhog Day except Sonny and Cher didn’t sing me awake daily.  While we are on the subject of Groundhog Day it is perpetually cloudy in Central Pennsylvania and on Tuesday it was snowing so how did that little bugger see his shadow?  But I digress. So what made this week and this year any different?

It snowed literally for 4 days straight. Continuously.  I’m not joking!  I was stuck at home for 3 of those days.  I live in an area where most days during the winter are cloudy with at least some flurries but 4 straight days of full on snow?  Too much for me. Strike 1. 

Mask wearing all day at work has taken it’s toll on my asthma. In one year my asthma attacks have increased more than tenfold. Wednesday I tried out a new mask that was not my favorite asthma mask, which they don’t make anymore. Wednesday night I was up all night having asthma attacks. I had nine which believe it or not was not a personal record for me since last March. I was exhausted and spent all day Thursday gasping for breath. Strike 2 and 3. 

As I looked at weather models on Thursday to contemplate another snow event that night, one possible on Sunday and yet another on Tuesday I almost burst into tears. From then on, everything that day made me want to cry.  I had hit a low I hadn’t been at before.  I struggled for one day.  My heart goes out to those who feel this way EVERY day.

So, if the winter bothers me so much why don’t I just move?  Well, my husband’s job is here and my son is almost done with high school so for the time being I’m stuck. But I don’t think it’s just the winter. Usually I don’t struggle as much in the winter. When you add in the pandemic, mask wearing making my asthma worse, not seeing some of my friends or family in more than a year and certainly not getting together with friends on a regular basis it really wears you down. I’m sure there are many people suffering. I usually suffer in silence and I’m sure there are many people suffering in silence as well. 

Since I may not know if someone is suffering this week I vow to be kind because you never know what people are dealing with and I don’t want to add anything to that. Kindness...pass it on.  With 6 accumulating snow events possible over the course of the next week and a half I’m going to try to take a deep breath and soldier on.  41 days until spring.